The Hole

Well folks for those of you who don't know what " the hole" is, I'll give you a bigger, proper word for it..." Confinement" and yes, even in prison they have a place called " confinement'... It's where they put you to " Separate you" from the order established community that you would normally live in, in prison under normal conditions...
Like lets say; you break a rule... if they deem it serious enough nthey throw you in "the hole" for an unspecified amount of time depending on your charge... for example I am currently in the hole because I smoked a big fat ass joint.... or two, of some crippie bud. Now I'm not one to get into trouble very often but; this place... just the overwhelming stress of being in prison for a long time... it gets to you sometimes... and while I love my wife and, God first and for most; Well, you have to be here to understand the pressure, the weight of serving some real time.... and that not a cop out it's a simple fact ; hard time bears a huge burden on your shoulders that no one could possibly understand unless you have been there...

I've never been to Vietnam but I have a huge almost of respect for those brave men that were over there... not because I've been there, but because I am aware of the burden they bear as well ... no " normal" person could understand this.... and oddly enough that's as it should be...but ; with that in mind one should always give consideration and, at the least have mercy on things they don't quite understand. Instead of always punish out of fear or lack of understanding.

Bottom Line is ... I made a bad choice...
No two ways of looking at it but, should my loved ones be punished as well and; be denied the chance to see me, for my kids to spend time with there dad? For that to be taken from them???
To me... well, where is the Justice in that? A strong family net work is the only positive thing a man can have in prison... So... how does taking away the only thing positive in his life help him reform, get better ... whatever?
Why not take my canteen privileges or something? Places like this are supposed to encourage family ties; not discourage; yet in essence it is exactly what's being done... I am here now and I've accepted what happen to me yet I can't help but to feel that something else here needs to change here besides just me... for often all, don't we just become products of our own environment? Let me know what you guys think out there; while I sit here and get back to work on me...
and my will power, until next time.


The Gray Mensch

Back in the Dayz...

Beautiful visit with the wife today,

Big shoot out to all my Jewish brothers out there especially Jewgottie ..... much love

 

The Mensch

War Stories....

So I have this friend in this prison whom is an old war hero in his own right band, between his real combat war stories and my chain gang battle stories, we have some real crazy shit we talk about...
he's funny in his own way and I have a lot of respect for this man he's been in prison since the late 70's and before that served several tours in Vietnam; he's now old and a mere shadow of who he used to be but, oddly enough every conversation I have with him brings me hope... hope for a future that still might breed men like this man.... he for his part; laughs at my jokes and listens to my hardships...
I find myself confiding in him things no one knows about me... horrible things that I'm neither proud or glorify... but in his eye's as I speak to him, I find understanding, an understanding that can only come thru seeing and doing thing that I have done... I ask him " Do the nightmares ever stop? "No". he replays with a slight smerk on his face, "but you will get old enough in your mind to where there only whispers and shadows". he's shown me an amount of compassion that I thought no longer existed; and I, in turn use that compassion towards others I care about.... it's funny how things work; two men talking about a bad past; birth a huge light of hope... in to the future I hope.
To every Vet. out there I say let this story be your light towards a new brighter day!

The Mensch

The Jewish Faith

The Jewish Faith does not believe in Hell, and therefore no Jew.. with the exception of a Jew going through Hell. It seems anti semitisom it is everywhere, in Yiddish they call me The Mensch which means a real person; however some people how chosen to call me The Rabbi, which means teacher. Consider yourself taught a lesson today. A child's words are just that; words. Truth will  always come to light. Regardless what anyone thinks or feels.
Baruch Hashem

The Mensch

Isreal And The Art of Dealing with the Enemy

You ever wonder why Isreal deals so harshly with terrorist? More importantly; ever wonder why the U.S doesn't use the same approach when dealing with terrorist? Who cares about profiling if it saves life's and prevents an act like Paris from happening... So why don't we act accordingly? After all, is it really profiling if, in fact these are the exact kind of individuals who commits these acts of horror? Where is the honesty in politics that we are supposed to have? Isreal has been dealing with these issues for years, yet there " soft area" are not under attack; why?! The answer is simple; there approach is:
Hit / We Smash!!!!
It's not pretty but it's not supposed to be when a Nations Security is at risk and that; is the bigger picture here that the average person in the U.S. or Canada doesn't seem to grasp.....


We are coming up on an Election for a new President and while at times Donald Trump comes off half cocked he's telling it like it is.... in the early 90's he was asked if he would ever run for President and said "NO", " The only way I'd run for President is if this country was so fucked up it needed to be fix". Low and be hold, here we are 2015 and, he's running and making it known exactly what he wants to do for this country... Americans need to truly wake up and listen to this man...
Because ain't no Politition   going to fix this...

We need some one with NUTS!!! and he's our best chance at being what we once where.

Trump when asked what he'd do about Terrorist didn't pull any punches he said:
" I'd bomb the shit out of them".
What stiff ass Politition is going to shoot straight talk like that? It dam sure ain't going to be a Democrat! Hilary would sell her own mothers grave several time over if she could make a quick buck off of it.

We all need to wake up and realize what it takes for us to do to become great again is put a real person in office... A true Commander and Chief!!!
My people VOTE for TRUMP because they are real Patriots that love and care about this Country, the same can be said of each and every Israili in the I.D.F..

The  Mensch

Bunk Available To Clean Convict With Personality And Common Sence

Well Shit!!! Ever had a real shitty day? And you know it's just going to somehow get worse? Yea! Well of course being locked up sucks but, at the end of the day you adapt, survive..... Manage; one thing in prison that's hard to find is: a good Bunkie: having someone you get along with is Key to doing time, someone you can "vibe" with o, that's just a respectful individual..... Manners go a long way.....

Especially with me; So after having a good Bunkie for almost 2 yrs, he moves out to a program dorm... hey! Self betterment! I'm all for that but; where's that leave me???
Let me tell you where it leaves me! Right smack in the middle of zombie land!! Let me explain; We have a place in prison for people who break the rules it's called confinement A.K.A " The Box". And so what happen to them knuckle heads when there times up in "The Box"  Well... they are let back out to the population into the first available buck that's open ( mine at the moment), a little some dirty, disrespectful punk in the bunk above me... can you say Joy!!!
Let me tell you something; there are good people in this world and some bad but, there's also a group of people who are always trying to strive to do to be a better person: now tell me this-----

How in the hell can you do that when, you have a 20 something year old punk sleeping in the bunk above you whom hasn't showered in 4 days, could give 2 shits what you say and is just starting out a 20 or 30 yr bid?
These kids now a days scare me... as bad a I was as a kid; I had a conscious and, I grew up! Not so with these kids....they have totally and utterly been desensitized to everything; again, I ask what do you do? Lay down? Let them walk all over you? What I think is: they need the ass whipping they should have gotten at home but didn't; I'm in my 40's now, who's got time for that crap? So..... you all pray for me! Pray that I get a good Bunkie and not  a zombie so that I can keep my sanity and leave these chain linked fence's in 2018 a some what normal human being.


The Mensch

I am my Beloveds and my beloved is mine

 

Marriage is a binding contract between a man and a woman in which both parties pledge to: Love; Honor; and Cherish, as well as tend to the needs of one another to the best of there ability's for the rest of there lives... Sadly most marriage don't last now a days and, that's a fact.

That said, I've known my wife for well over 20 year's and, have been married to her since Feb. of this year and, while we don't have a perfect marriage; we have a good marriage, one that works.
My wife and I communicate with each other and have a tremendous amount of respect for one another; that "more" must be put into a marriage in order for it to work; Love, Honor, Cherishment, these things are indeed a good starting point but; Not in anyway a last solid structure; Trust, Communication, Commitment, and an Unrestrained amount of understanding Must be a part of the structure; as well as a centered belief in God; one in which my family has.

 My Situation is unique in as, I am Incarcerated at present and therefore lack the " physical" ability to be there for my wife and kids in person, However I don't allow that to hinder me from putting a smile on my wife and kids face as, they do the same for me week in and week out. Through visits, cards, and letters; I put fourth my best foot and they in turn put there's as well... We always work as a team, a unit, they love me unconditionally and; I love them back unconditionally. A stable relationship, that's what my wife and I have..... and something we both lacked in, before each other.
Life dictates change; this is a fact I know to be true however; it doesn't have to mean bad change, it can mean good change, Positive change.
I am happy, I have an awesome wife beautiful kids and a life in front of me that's yet to come; I chosen long ago not to allow my incarceration to define who and what I am.... in a lot of ways, since marrying my wife I've already become more of a free man than I've ever been.... She encourages me and, I her, we push each other to strive to do better, become a better person and so I have a lot to be thankful for... to be loved and to give it is a feeling that's truly beyond me to describe in mere words. I would encourage anyone that loves someone truly and utterly as I do my own wife; to Voice that as much and as often as possible to that person; Companionship is a special thing and the value of that is priceless; take a few moments out of your and tell them what they MEAN to You.

The Mensch

Rabbi's Art

Rabbi's Art

Bagels -N- Zombies

As I woke up this morning, made my cup of coffee preparing to start my day, I found myself wishing I could have a bagel and some cream cheese to go along with my coffee. I was interrupted by what appeared to be yet another zombie stumbling around...dam! These things keep multiplying!, of course they all mumble " brains" because they have none anymore but, what's worse is they are becoming an epidemic on all of society not just prisons. For those of you not familiar with the term " zombie".....
I will explain; it's an individual that smokes an unknown substance called K-2 on the streets and or apparently everywhere; whom; in effect stumbles around looking exactly like the " zombies" on the hit T.V show called The Walking Dead; thereby dubbed "zombies".


Now that I have educated you about the dead walkers... no, no, no , I mean smokers, I'll continue my story... So their I was, coffee in hand when...bam! a zombie bumps into me, makes me spill my coffee and just... continues to stumble away...
No words of course because; as I said earlier zombies don't speak except for the occasional " Brains"!
that's blurted; out of frustration I believe because, they in fact have no more.

What can we do about this epidemic?
Who knows?!
I think the better question; does one live in a house near you!?
One thing is certain; being Halloween; trying to tell the difference between costume and zombie could end up being more of a trick than a treat... although I have heard a whispered rumor about a mysterious man whom clams to be an expert zombie vanquisher...it's said that you can find him by going to www.judiciousjailbird.blogspot.com
Alright pups and kittens... check back in and let me know what you've found out there, until then... have a Happy Halloween!

 The Mensch

HATE....

I come from a lifestyle that made me think I knew that word..... being a Jew is hard, especially when you are a non-practicing Jew living in the streets of Miami Fla.; that's where I'm from... and being that ( a Jew) and white where I lived ment you had a lot of hate directed at you, and so I learned quick; with no father around to teach me and, a mom that worked 3 jobs; I was on my own to learn what it meant t be a mean man...
When I was 7 I got my ass kicked by 3 kids and ran home crying like a baby. When I came home, my mom asked why I was crying. When I told her what had happened, she spanked me and, told me " not to ever run, now get back out there and fix it how ever you can." So I went out, found the biggest stick I could and , I beat the crap out of each and everyone of them.
 Those days are long behind me now and I am a changed man in more ways than one. My ancestors have been shot, gased, crushed though out history and so I thought I knew a little something about hate...
But shit, at 42 years old I still get my blood pressure up, the other day...

I went to lunch and had the unpleasant experience of sitting with a young man that had a swastika tattooed on the back of his very bald head, this man had no idea that I was a Jew on my was to service that very night, anyhow two of my Jewish brothers were sitting at the next table and so he leans over and tells his friends, " I should go over there and sit at that table and make them leave."
At which point my ears were on fire! So I say to him, " Excuse me, but do you have something against Jews?" and he said," Yea, I don't like em." Pure hate in his heart when he said it, isn't even old enough to remember the first Gulf War much less the Holocaust.; anyways I say to him " good because I'm a Jew and you are sitting at my table now." guy says " I ain't scared of you." and I said "good!, it's better that way." He gets up and leaves...30 plus years and I've never been shaken like that!!
A few days later... he comes, finds me and apologizes to me... I am shocked, confused, but it seems that in life, forgiveness and hate go hand in hand... one does not happen with out the other to follow...
I learned a great lesson that day.... never eat in that terrible restaurant again!! No seriously, I'm in prison and, it was the " Chow Hall." What I did learn was real and valuable.
From the Rebbe:
Evil is simple the absence of good, it has no real existence of it's own, and is dispelled in the light of goodness.

Shalom!!!

Well it's been a crazy week for me...  Seems like over the past several years, prison life has been turned into the " Walking Dead Show" ...Seriously; ever since the creation of a drug called K-2 several years back; all I see now are people who have no understanding, don't eat anything... In fact  they sell everything they get there hands on...
No exception, toilet paper, soap, even there soul  it seems... and recently I have noticed that Muslims are recruiting at a very fast rate...  here where I am at they have went from about 50 to almost 200...
Something's up!!! and I feel like I can't quite put my finger on it... recently one of my Jewish brothers converted to Islam... and while I still don't know exactly how to take that... I'm smart enough to know I am seeing prophesy from Torah play out right before my eyes...  it's happening fast... and all over the world.
I look around me and I ask the question??? are we screwed?! I mean,"em for real!
How will our redemption come about?
As a Question; I leave you with this little story.

On a sweltering summer day, an old man went down into a cool cellar for relief. The moment he entered, he was blinded by the darkness. " Don't worry", said another man in the cellar," it is natural that when you go from light to darkness, your eyes will grow accustomed to it; and you will hardly notice that it is dark."

''My dear friend", replied the old man, turning to leave. " that is exactly what I am afraid of. darkness is darkness; the danger is convincing yourself that it is light".

Chavver Always
The Gray Mensch

Fall..

What's up out there!!!!
Had an awesome visit with my wife this past weekend... She knows me so well.

At any rate; She continues to remind me about loyalty, respect, love, and most of all... hope; When I look into her eyes I see hope , and an urge to reach the finish line so the she can finally take a breather after all the shit life has thrown at her... and that's an Image that has been a reflection of my own...
And while being in prison isn't easy; being with someone who is, is just as hard and frustrating, but somehow my wife is still here and that said... it's not where you've been.. it's where you are going!!

My wife and I, We have decided that, dispute all the shit, we are going to have a bright and happy future... and if you truly love someone it really is  that simple.

October is my favorite time of the year... I mean the weather is awesome! Things just somehow feel... refreshing; as a kid Halloween was my favorite time of the year; kids can be- who ever they want to be and even get treats to! Now a days nothings the same, people are scared and our kids pay the price... to trick or treat in a mall or out of trucks of cars????
Could you imagine that when you where a kid?
I think not!!! Thank God we had responsible parents back then who understood... with a little hard work (checking candy) you could still allow your child to have a Joyful Memory of Halloween without
"taking away from it".
Anyways... have a fun and safe Halloween this year; and don't come to prison because then you will see Halloween 24/7...

Trust me that ain't pretty!

Tell it like it is.......

As I watched an eagle snag it's meal through the razor wire that surrounds one of the many prisons I've had to call home for the past two decades, I realized that I have survived while people I once thought close to me actually turned there back on me.....

In some ways its made me stronger, hard, like a foundation with which to build on...
I understand and realize that no matter how I look at things I am here because I made bad decisions in my life....., but I've also come to understand not to let the crime or punishment define who I am as a person. And therefore I  to forgive but, should that also mean that I forget the ones who turned there backs on me when I was in my deepest darkest places...?
How does one feel when you are drowning in a pool and all the ones you know are right there at pool side yet turn there backs on you?
Angry? No not me, not anymore!
Two decades is enough soften any heart that has hate in it... yet to forget is something else entirely.

At the least put yourself in that position and, tell me what would you do? But there is a silver lining to this story... and yes there are really demons in the rough! Turns out, over the years of this bid I've met some real stand up men that I can say I was blessed  to served with.. you all know who you are; you guys have always " kept it real" I will see you guys  on the other side of the fence soon. It's all the ones who turned there backs on me.. I forgive... just don't ever come knocking on my door for help because that story just might end with me giving you my back.......

 

Always, The Gray Mensch Rabbi

High Holidays

Hey Everyone out there..... The Gray Mensch Rabbi here!, We are now coming to the end of August which most of you already know..... however what most of might not know is aside for being the Month of my beautiful wife's birthday... it also becomes the month of Elul. Starting on August 16th... yes  that's right; in the middle of August starts a new month according to The Jewish Calendar and also what our sages refer to as the month of "divine compassion". Which happens to be great for me because, during these days, you can repair all that went amiss from the entire year-with study, charity, and of course, good deeds! As well as with meditation and prayer. That is also why we (me, in my community) get to blow the Shofar ( Ram Horn) every day of this month! ( except Shabbat), as a wake-up call to prepare for the magnificent days to come....
At any rate the person blows the Shofar ( which Hebrew designation can be literally translated into the English equivalent "Master Blaster") is a man of special piety and purity of conduct; while the man blows the trumpet is Miles Davis....
Just a little Jewish humor there folks!

What I mean to say is, while I don't consider myself a man of any special piety and purity of conduct; it's an honor to know the men of my shul consider me so, Especially since Elul is also an appropriate time to reflect on out actions an attitudes over the previous years, and resolve to correct our short comings. This especially holds true to me and for me, since I am Incarcerated , yep! that's right, I'm in the clink! Up the road!

Point is, is that I've never allowed this place to define  who I am as a human being. So..... no matter how bad your personal situation is out there.... "never forget" who you, your soul is inside!
We are all warriors inside... or we're not. It's just like Rabbi Akiva said: " Everything is foreseen, yet  freedom of choice is granted; the world is Judged with goodness, and everything is according to the preponderance of good deeds".

I therefore choose to fight for what I believe in; how about you?

With that I'd like to take this time to thank my beautiful wife: May she "never forget", that " I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine".


Boruch Hashem!

Always, The Gray Mensch Rabbi